I'm hungry

It's 6 in the morning.
It's truly been awhile since I've been productive at this time.

I miss it.

Ever since college began, I've become so nocturnal.

I hate it.

It wasn't who I was or ever wanted to be.

I took pride in waking up early and getting things done.

It was always a day transformer when you spend your first waking moments with the Lord.

But that's changed for me. I hunger for it, but I just can't seem to take my eyes off all the other food that tend to keep me awake at such late times.

 

I woke up today with one thought on my mind:

"What am I doing with my life?"

I'm sure we all come across that section at some time or another; but today it really hit me.

I'm the type of person who looks at things and determine the potential of the investment I put in it; whether that investment may be time or money. I look at habits, jobs, games, exercises, and even friendships/relationships.

Let me elaborate on that last part..

 

Friendship has always meant a lot to me. It, not only, gives me the oppertunity to be there for someone, but for someone else to be there for you as well. And the way I see it, you get what you put in. In a sense, that's logic. And I'm thinking logically here, not because I like to, but because it happens to be a very real subject. But I don't let it control me either.

I'm saying that because, for those of you who are reading, don't think: "Oh he's just hanging out with me because he expects something back."

Because that's not at all the reason. I'll hang out with you because I like to, I'm your friend because I appreciate you and what you do; because friendship [like a relationship with a significant other] requires work from both people to make it work.

Thus, where my term, "investment" plays its part.

If you're always talking, spending time with your friend, you're putting a lot of effort towards your friendship. But this is a two-way deal.

There's no balance if all the effort is on one side.

It's not cool.

I understand if you're both putting in the same amount, whether it's a lot or little.

But if you're being a good friend to someone and that person doesn't treat you the same way back, it pretty much sends a message that he doesn't want to be good friends, right?

I mean, if you're always asking how they are, trying to see what more you can do for them [because you really want to in your heart] and they never ask about how're you're doing..

Or  better yet, when something detrimental or big happens to them and they don't tell you and end up finding out by asking them AND then finding out he's already told everyone else except you.

Makes you feel like feces.

I'm not getting anything out that friendship, so maybe I should lay off?

I couldn't, because they still invite me to places.

Am I being used?

Could be.

I mean I do have a vehicle = transportation.

I don't know, but I don't feel like wasting my time, or investing, in things that don't expand or improve.

A meaningful friendship.

 

PFFT.

 

This isn't personal.

 

=P