The Adventures of a Lonely Explorer

I'm on the brink of change.
I look in the mirror and I'm two different colors.
I remember when I was only one color.
One person.
I had vision.
I had hope.
I had a future.
But now that mirror on the wall states otherwise.
It says I've ruined all that.
But the Holy Spirit is constantly reminding me that I'm wrong. There is still hope and a future for me.

I keep telling myself, "it's a phase; a trial." You know, just that season?

I don't know.
All I know is that I want to be with God again. But I guess don't if I can sacrifice what's needed to do so.

I remember a few years back, I'd used to always tell God that I'd drop everything and follow. Because at the time, I did.
I could.
But never had I thought that I'd be the one in so deep that it has become difficult to give it all. I was so naive.
The world truly is a scary place.
In the midst of it all I'm trying to find my own success. I'm failing more than the faithless man who's only belief has been in himself.
I was a fool to tango with life.
By allowing the little things in to slowly build a nation inside the walls.

I'm not searching for back up.
Nor a consultant.
I'm just in need of people in my life to share good times with. To be joyful with.
The other night I experienced a good night out with people I have barely talked to and with people I've never met. That was a good time. Just talking, being treated as an equal, sharing laughs, and feasting on expensive entrées. That's all want from this life while I'm going through this rough period in my life.
Not sympathy.
And yet I go places and feel treated as a lesser. Ignored for a better.
Is that hard to acknowledge something I do or say to let me know that you care about anything I do at all?
Yeah, I guess out of the five love languages, mine would be compliments. I love to hear compliments and acknowledgments. It kinda boosts my confidence.
Just saying.
Obviously, everyone has their own language which they associate better with. Mine just happens to be that one. But I'm sure it's hard to notice when you pay the least attention to what I do. Or maybe you just act like you don't. I know I'm not great, I'm not cool, and yeah I'm a goofball. But don't treat me different because it. If you don't like it, don't ask to spend time with me. I'm perfectly fine not wasting both my time and gas.

I get it, I don't have much in common with most people.
I don't know much about cinematography, the names of actors and most musical topics.
But it's like no one seems to take note of some of my interests.
I can almost guarantee that no one knows most of my interests, when I can point out a lot of them from most of the people I hang out with.

I'm Chris Tapia, I love to write and make music, I love to have fun in every situation, I love to make friends, I love to help anyone and everyone, I love God, I love guitars, I love video games, I love movies: comedy, action, and psychological thrillers. I'm a healthy competitor, I love to build people up, I enjoy eating, I love music, I break awkward silences with silly comment that usually don't make sense, I love fantasy and am creative, I'm an escapist.

This has been an episode of The Adventures of a Lonely Explorer.

Stay tuned.